Twenty Four

It was suppertime when Emily awoke to the sounds of Ellen and the kids in the kitchen. She dragged herself from bed, feeling anything but rested. She had to admit, though, that the intervening hours had taken some of the edge off, and she no longer felt quite so hopeless about the situation. Still disheartened, but no longer completely devoid of perspective. She got out of bed, knowing she would call Trent tonight, and talk as had become her strange norm, and find out how he was feeling about it all. Fred’s legal advice notwithstanding, she knew that she owed it to Trent to at least tell him why she wasn’t speaking to him.

Emily passed a pleasant, if preoccupied evening with the twins, and, after tucking them into bed, she settled in to call Trent. The knot in her stomach tightened when she saw he had called several more times throughout the day.

"Hello,” he answered.

“Hi,” she said.

“Oh my God, Emily it’s good to hear your voice,” he replied, and the relief in his voice was almost palpable. “I’m so sorry about this.”

“It’s okay,” she said trying hard to keep her voice steady. “I’ve been called to testify before.”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it,” he said.

Emily rolled over onto her side and tucked her arm under her head. “No, it’ll be fine. It’s not your fault. You weren’t even driving.”

There was a pause on the line. She heard Trent take a deep breath. “I’m really scared about this, Em. She could have died. I told the driver to step on it. It’s my fault as much as anyone’s.”

She heard the pain, the naked fear in his voice. She wanted to crawl through the phone and hold him, tell him it would be all right.

Suddenly, though, Emily realized that this was precisely why Fred had wanted her to stop contact with Trent. Anything he had ever said could be considered fair game for the lawyers; everything he said now was charged with implication. She could almost hear some pompous lawyer asking her, under oath, “Dr. Peterson, has the defendant ever admitted guilt in this matter?” She sighed and closed her eyes.

“Trent, my lawyer has told me I shouldn’t have any contact with you until after the hearing,” she said.

“Oh,” he said after a moment. His voice was quiet and he sounded as defeated as she felt. “And you think that’s a good idea.” It was a statement as much as a question.

No! she screamed silently. “I think it might be best for your chances if we cooled it until after,” she replied, silent tears belying her steady voice. Her head ached and her heart ached.

He was quiet for a long minute. “Do you really think that?” he asked.

No! she thought again, desperately. But what would be worse? To break it off now and maybe keep from hearing something she might have to swear to later, or to ignore Fred’s warning and possibly jeopardize Trent’s chance for vindication? There was no right answer.

“It’s not that I don’t want to see you, Trent,” she said finally. “I just think that there might be more credibility in my testimony if we aren’t involved with each other.” It nearly killed her to say it out loud.

“But we are involved, Emily!” He sounded angry now, angry and hurt, as if he knew where she was heading. “There’s no way that they will consider that irrelevant, even if you’re not letting it happen anymore.” It was a flash of that old Trent, the one she had met that first night at the hospital. The one the lawyers definitely didn't need to know about, not that there would be any way to avoid it, if they really wanted to.

“Maybe not, but I can’t risk your future, Trent. I’m sorry, but I really think it’s what we should do. Once this is all over, maybe we can try again.” There’s a lot you don’t know about me, she added silently. Like that I’m poison. Take your opportunity and run far, far away while you still can.

But Trent was having none of it. “I am not going to let this go that easily, Emily,” he said sadly. “If you really want to put this on hold, I will respect your wishes. But you have to know it’s not my choice.”

A sob escaped involuntarily and Emily remained silent, trying to gather her thoughts before trying to speak. Trent beat her to it.

“I told you I’d wait, honey. I’ll wait as long as I have to,” he said. “I’m a patient guy when it’s worth it.”

“How do you know I’m worth it?” she cried, her voice cracking. “You know nothing about me.”

“Oh, you’re worth it,” he replied with a confidence she did not feel. “I know there’s lots to learn about you, but I also know you’ll let me in when you’re ready.”

She sensed he wanted to say more, and waited until he spoke again. “Don’t do this, Emily. I can’t let you go.”

His plaintive tone ripped through her almost physically, and she believed that the plea was coming from his heart. She felt her divided loyalties all aligning themselves around her: Thomas, Ellen and her children, Trent, the girl from the accident, Fred, Sarah. Every one of them offering opinions, pulling at her, pulling in their different directions, until she thought she might break into pieces. There was no way to satisfy everyone. Emily felt utterly destroyed.

“I’m sorry, Trent,” she said finally. “It’s best this way.”

She clicked her phone shut before she could hear his reply. Hopeless again, Emily buried her face in her hands, and cried, inconsolably, for the second time that day.