Thirty One

Trent called a few weeks later, as Emily had half-expected, half-feared he would. Emily’s first instinct was to ignore the call. But, inexplicably, she found herself answering the phone, not sure at all what to expect. Her final words to Trent had not exactly been pleasant. Time had steeled her resolve, and this time she was prepared to hear his voice, and had spent countless hours considering what her reaction would be if she ever did see him again. What she wasn’t prepared for was his friendly tone. No hint of the anger, nor the desperately sad resignation she had heard that final night.

“So what are you doing next Friday?” he asked. This was completely at odds with her memory of the man who’d unceremoniously agreed that it would be best not to see each other, a concession which, she had to admit, had bruised her ego a bit, in addition to what it did to her heart.

Emily consulted her calendar, and said warily, “Nothing, why?”

“Oh good, I was afraid you’d be working. It’s our last show of the tour and I wondered if you’d like to come.”

She thought for a minute. She had to admit, it sounded like fun. It had been years since she had been to a rock concert. Maybe, she thought with optimism uncharacteristic of her recent funk, she and Trent could actually carry on a civilized, platonic conversation. Maybe they could be friends. Feeling stronger than she had since the trial, the prospect was not as daunting as she may have thought then. Once that thought occurred, the idea of a night out was very appealing. It also occurred to her that although Trent had provided her with copies of everything that Uptown had ever recorded, she had never seen them play live. It might be fun to see Trent Buchanan at work.

It would be tough, though, to justify the night away from the kids, and for the three-hour trip each way, it would have to be an overnight stay. An idea struck her. What if Ellen and the kids came to Toronto with her for a mini-holiday? The concert was on a Friday; they could drive up right after school and make a weekend of it. She could see the band play on Friday, and they could hit the Science Centre or the CN Tower Saturday before driving back.

In an instant, she was right back to where she had been all those weeks ago. She wanted to put the brakes on, to turn back the clock and leave the phone unanswered, but it was too late. She heard the words coming out of her mouth before she could check her enthusiasm.

“That sounds like fun!” she said, and was surprised to realize that her reaction was genuine.

“Okay, then. I’ll leave tickets at the door with your name on them. I’ll have stuff all afternoon, but maybe I could see you afterwards?” he asked, with the slightest apprehension audible in his voice.

“Sounds good,” she said, her stomach in her throat, and needing to muster up more enthusiasm for the prospect than she wanted to let herself feel. If they were ever going to establish a friendship (and only a friendship, Emily reminded herself), it had to be founded on honesty. It was time to tell him about her family, so he could understand why they couldn’t be together. He deserved to know. This could be her opportunity. A neutral place, a crowd.

“I’ll leave two tickets at the gate for you. Or would you like more than two?” he asked quickly.

Who would she take? Emily wondered. Ellen and the kids? No, not appropriate for seven-year olds, and Ellen would insist on babysitting. Sarah? An option; she’d call her later.

“No, thanks, Trent, I think two would be fine. I’ll call a girlfriend.”

“Okay, then. I’ll see you after the show. I’ll find you backstage. Just let security know who you are and they’ll let you in.”

Sounded pretty simple. “Okay, I’ll see you then,” she said.

“Good. See you then.” He rang off.

Ellen walked into the kitchen at that second and found her staring, unseeing into the fridge. Emily sobered instantly and her stomach flipped. Oh, shit, she thought. Here we go.

“What’s up?” Ellen asked, getting a coffee mug from the cupboard and pouring herself a cup.

How to approach this? Emily wondered. She would need Ellen’s buy-in for the weekend in Toronto, but Emily found herself extremely uncomfortable with having to admit that it was an invitation from a man, even if he was just a friend. Another man was how Ellen might think of it. Although Ellen had never been anything other than a kind, supportive friend, and even though Emily was planning to tell Trent that they could never be more than friends, she worried. What if Ellen was upset or offended that Emily had been seeing someone else? After all, it was Ellen’s son who had left Emily a widow, and it was her grandchildren that Emily was hoping Ellen would baby-sit, while she went off to a rock concert.

Honesty seemed the best policy; Ellen would undoubtedly be offended if she discovered Emily had been deceiving her; besides, it had been three years since Thomas died. Although it had never been openly discussed, Emily sensed that Ellen wouldn’t expect Emily to remain alone for the rest of her life. The topic had simply never arisen.

“Is it the man you’ve been mooning around about for the last few weeks?” Ellen asked, saving Emily from her mental agony, and sitting down at the table across from Emily. She sipped her coffee, blinking at Emily innocently.

Emily’s jaw dropped. “What? How…” The idea of denying it crossed her mind, but she discarded the option immediately. What a relief, to have Ellen broach the subject in such a non-judgmental tone. She hadn’t realized how worried she’d been about that very thing. “Yes,” she finally admitted, chastened. “But it’s not like that. I mean it was, but it’s not now. We’re just friends.” She knew she was babbling and stopped to take a sip of her coffee.

“Is it that obvious?” Emily asked, looking sheepishly up at Ellen through her bangs.

Ellen looked Emily in the eye, and pointedly ignored her question.

“What’s going on?” Ellen asked. Implicit in her tone was genuine curiosity, and Emily could detect no note of irritation or disapproval.

“Well, he’s a musician,” she replied, not expecting Ellen to know who Uptown were. “And he’s playing in Toronto next week. He’s invited me to see the show.”

She took a deep breath, still feeling like a foolish teenaged girl, not a professional, a mother in her mid thirties. She felt like she was asking her mom for permission to extend her curfew. She blew the breath out and looked up at Ellen over her glasses, fully ready to be chastised for raising such a frivolous idea.

“I was thinking we could all go, you and me and the kids and we could stay overnight at a hotel with a water slide or a pool, and then on Saturday, we could do the Science Centre or something?” Her voice rose like a question at the end and she blew out a breath.

“Actually,” Ellen said, leaning back and obviously delighted. “I was just coming to talk to you about next weekend. I signed up for a one-day workshop in Toronto on Saturday afternoon, and wanted to make sure you weren’t working before I confirmed it. This should work out perfectly. I’ll watch the kids Friday night, and settle them down while you’re out, and then you and the kids can do your own thing on Saturday while I’m at my workshop. It’ll save me a lonely trip.” Ellen did not like driving alone on the freeways.

How could it possibly work out better? Emily wondered. Ellen’s implicit approval of the situation shored Emily’s confidence considerably. “Oh, El, that sounds perfect! I was worried you…” she trailed off, realizing that she probably wasn’t giving Ellen enough credit, judging by her reaction, and not wanting to hurt her feelings.

“Worried I wouldn’t approve?” Ellen asked, intuitively. She smiled and leaned in to pat Emily’s hand. “Of course I approve. You are a beautiful woman, Emily, and I knew it would only be a matter of time before someone else made you feel that way. You have made it clear that I am still a part of this family, even if my son is not here to provide the tie.”

Emily started to protest, to tell her it wasn’t like that, that they were just friends, but Ellen held up a hand. “It’s true, hon. I know you will always make a place in Ava and Aidan’s lives for me, and I appreciate that more than you could know. But I have expected for a long time that Thomas will not be your only love, just as his father was not mine.” Emily raised her eyebrows at this last comment, but Ellen continued without elaborating.

“We’ve served a mutual purpose for each other for the last few years, you and I, and I know that neither of us is ready or able to move to a different arrangement yet. I am happy to go with you to Toronto on the weekend, and I am happy you are going to see someone who obviously means something to you. I care about you and your happiness as much as I care about the twins. It just so happens that this time, you can help me out too, but even if not, I welcome the opportunity to be with those kids every chance I get.

“And I’m glad that you may have another chance at happiness, Em. I’ve been wishing it for you. As much as I miss him, we both know Thomas isn’t coming back, and you deserve to be happy. Your kids deserve a happy mom, too. Go and have fun. We’ll be fine.”

Unconditional acceptance was not what Emily had expected. She found herself unable to speak and tears of gratitude filled her eyes. She got up from the table and walked around to Ellen. She dropped to her knees and wrapped her arms around the older woman’s trim waist. Ellen held her fast, and together, they let their tears fall.